Dear Khairul Arifin

I wrote this in the mid of September. Right before you leaving. I know this all is your decision to be an Army. But I guess I just didn't have enough guts to post it. I don't even know why. But then earlier this afternoon, I laid my head on the pillow and thought of you. You know what? Today is sooo lonely, all alone, none can freely accept my invitation to go somewhere anytime except you, just like if you were here. And then I decided to post this. To let you know how much I've missed you.   

13th of Sept 2014. I'm gonna miss you. That's for sure. I'm gonna miss your laughs, your smiles, your oh-sok-ganteng-face, your hugs, your funnyness, your silly stories, and a lil bit of your jayusness too. I'm gonna miss you mocking at me, telling me I'm not pretty enough wearing that clothes yet I know it's just you don't want to admit I'm the coolest sister anybody could ever ask for. I'm gonna miss your jahilness, how stubborn you are when I remind you not to this and that. I'm gonna miss the times we spend together, our gulat, our fight over the tv and wi-fi and motorcycle and guling and laptop. I'm gonna miss you and I hanging out together, ga mandi tapi pede aja jalan sama-sama. I'm gonna miss you being around. 

Thank you, karena udah jadi adek yang baik buat aku, thank you for putting up with my shit for the past 17years, thank you karena selalu ada buat aku walopun aku ngeselin, aku moody, aku gampang nangis, aku sensitif dan keras kepala. Thank you karena ga banyak adek lain di dunia yang bisa diajakin cerita dan cerita seluwes kamu. 

Promise me you'll always be just fine there with your military academy. Mba bangga sama kamu. 

And I love you, well I just don't want to admit it sometimes. 

Yes. I no longer have someone to share the stories with. That someone, my real bestfriend, is now miles apart from me. But we are still close at heart.  

Love, 

Darmayanti Budi Cahyani  

To Mom

Before He sent me down to Earth, I made a deal with God about the mother who would give birth to me. I asked Him for a perfect mother, but of course He wouldn’t give me one because humans were never designed to be perfect. He said it was because He wanted humans to be a blessing for one another, that their presence could complete someone else’s and make themselves perfect in their own way. So I made it simple and asked for nothing but a mother who wanted to have me.

And I put no expectations on living an awesome life on Earth.

We first met in September 1990. You’re okay. You might not be as beautiful as Princess Diana but you’re okay. I had not known you a lot, though. But I knew for sure you wanted me. Cause you nursed me well and sang me beautiful lullaby. And my cynical thoughts told me it’s only because I made a deal with The Mighty at the first place.

As I grew older, you taught me a lot of things, to which I sometimes disagreed, but we always ended up making up to each other. And you ended up right most of the time. You sent me to the best schools you could afford. You also made the best meals I could have ever tasted. Pampered me with the energy you have left after long days working at home. You certainly earned my respect. And for that my love grew to you. Even fonder when I was in my teenage rebel phase and you never judged me for everything I had done. You instead taught me three basic things on how to become a true woman; that women should be independent, smart and respectful on their beings.

I never thought life on Earth could be this lovely. And I never thought there’s a ordinary woman as awesome as you. God had finally sent me to the right woman.

Terima kasih Ma, karena selalu berjuang untuk aku. Terima kasih, karena memahamiku. Dan tidak pernah memintaku untuk menjadi orang lain. Terima kasih, karena selalu berada disana, di setiap saat aku membutuhkan pelukanmu. Terima kasih, karena tetap mempercayaiku, when the world turns its back against me. Terima kasih, karena telah menjadi sosok Mama yang selama ini memang aku butuhkan. Dan untuk every little things yang tidak bisa diungkapkan dengan kata-kata. 

You’re such a blessing, and for that I would ask for nothing but a little longer time to be with you. I love you, forever and always.

Love,

your daughter.

To My Kids Who Call Me "Miss"

Dear kids,

How I wish I could simplify my words into elementary-kids brains that the word “miss" or "guru” is somehow overrated. You know how society teaches you that “guru adalah pahlawan tanpa tanda jasa”? Well no kids, your parents pay me. They always do. But consider me as a friend. Someone who will lean ears to your jumbling words, someone who deals with your extra-moving, someone who will try to comprehend your comical mind and someone who actually learns a lot from you all. Thanks for teaching me life.

Me, who will always be a friend of yours

Jadi Bagaimana Rasanya Ada di Usia 24?

HORE! Akhirnya saya sampai di usia 24 tahun. Oh sepanjang hari kemarin bahkan sampai hari ini, ucapan selamat ulang tahun dan doa dari teman-teman masih mengalir di sms, bbm, dan timeline saya. Terima kasih untuk kebaikan teman-teman semua.

Beberapa pertanyaan yang muncul pada akhirnya seperti: “jadi bagaimana rasanya ada di usia 24?”

Saya akan menceritakannya padamu. Ulang tahun bagi saya adalah kembali ke masa kanak-kanak. Bagi saya secara harafiah, usia saya bertambah. Tetapi di dalam hati saya merasa bahwa saya tetap anak yang sama. Seumur saya hidup, seingat saya, ulang tahun saya tidak pernah dirayain sama orang tua saya. Karena itu bukan tradisi keluarga. Beberapa kali ketika masih di sekolah dulu, Mama akan rajin mengantarkan nasi kotak kepada seantero teman-teman di kelas. Dan teman-teman di kelas itu akan bernyanyi untuk saya. Mereka akan bernyanyi bersama dengan Ibu guru di sekolah. Lagu ulang tahun, tanpa adanya kue tart.

Seingat saya, waktu itu, saya adalah anak kecil yang selalu mendambakan mengantarkan undangan perayaan ulang tahun kepada teman-teman yang di dalamnya ada tulisan wajib “tiada kesan tanpa kehadiranmu” tetapi saya memang tidak pernah mengalaminya.

Saya bersyukur karena saya tidak pernah mengalaminya. Ketika ulang tahun, yang saya ingat, ketika saya masih tinggal bersama dengan mereka, setiap malam ulang tahun saya, Bapak dan Mama akan masuk ke kamar tidur saya dan berdoa untuk saya.

Mereka tidak pernah membelikan saya barang mewah. Mereka hanya memberikan doa. Bagi saya doa adalah kado. Bagi saya doa adalah pemberian terbesar yang pernah saya terima dan selalu saya terima.

Maka jawaban saya, berada di usia 24 tahun atau 35 tahun atau 45 tahun, akan sama saja. Tidak ada bedanya. Karena toh itu hanya masalah umur. Masalahnya adalah bagaimana saya bisa terus-terusan memaknai hari-hari saya setiap hari dan merayakan rasa kanak-kanak yang tetap hidup di dalam diri saya. Sekali lagi, terima kasih untuk ucapan-ucapan doa dan kejutan-kejutan yang membahagiakan bagi saya yang terus mengalir hingga saat ini. Semoga Tuhan membalas kebaikan hati kalian semua. Mari rayakan hidup!