Dia

Mata ini hanya melihatnya,

Bibir ini hanya memanggil namanya, 

Hati ini hanya memilihnya,

Dan akan tetap sama sampai aku dan dirinya beranjak tua.

Happy 5-year Anniversary

To you,

You came into my life in 2009, showed me enormous amounts of love and LOOK where we are today! Today is our 5 year anniversary. Can you believe it? I can’t help but smile knowing we’ve been in relationship that long!

What a journey it’s been!

It is no secret we’ve had our tough times. Last year was particularly hard for us, but with God’s grace, we are better than we’ve ever been. He helped us overcome some tough stuff, and the outcome? Now I feel closer to you, I feel more comfortable with you, and I am so much happier. There were days I wasn’t sure about continuing on, but now I see us together for the rest of our lives, and I have confidence we will work through any issues that could come along and try to stop us.

I know that is a rough start to a love letter, but I think it is such a testament to our love for each other. I am so thankful for what we went through, it was painful, but we are stronger than ever.

I hope to continue to grow in our relationship until our last days. I pray that I can be the best wife to you later on; loving, supportive and encouraging. I want to respect your authority and honor your role as a provider and protector in my life. I will continue to work on some of my weaknesses, like negativity, doubting and forgiveness.

I just want to say, I am glad you’ve been ‘calling me out’ for some of these things lately. You are helping me express my feelings in a better way. I appreciate that you can tell me when I am being ridiculous, or exaggerating an issue too far. I hope that I can take your comments lightly and get over things easier! I will try to forgive and forget faster, I know how bad I can be at that! I am challenging sometimes, and I want to thank you for dealing with my emotional breakdowns and for making me a better person along the way.  Thanks for loving me when I am difficult- through thick and thin.

Despite some fights and individual stubbornness, I’d say we’ve had a pretty amazing five years. We’ve made big and small decisions as a team, we’ve made new friends and shared lots of good times with those new and old.

But most importantly, we’ve learned to love each other unconditionally.

And you make it easy to love you.

There are so many reasons why I love you and if I had known the day I met you, the joys that were to come, I may have not believed them. You are more than I could ever tell you and I will never be able to thank you for making my life so unbelievable.

Happy five year anniversary, my love nta.

I love you!

To The One Whom I Promise To Spend The Rest Of My Life With

I liked you first.

You can tell the entire world how gentleman-like your proposal was, but I liked you first, and I just want to make the point clear. It did not happen when you finally remembered my name, no, not even at our first meting in the bus stop. I liked you much, much earlier—so much earlier that you wouldn’t have been able to guess, had I not written you this letter. Your great ideas... I always felt helpless in front of you. I feel unguarded, but at the same time safe—very safe in fact.

I guess that’s why I said yes.

I said yes for how you always have answers to my questions—even the silliest ones. I said yes for the way you make me feel loved just by the way you look at me. I said yes because you’re the only person who can stop me from feeling alone—who cures me from fearing the future filled with uncertainties. I said yes because no other person would read through my ridiculously complicated brain and understand what’s going on inside. I said yes because your shoulders are the only place where I can rest my mind. I said yes because I love you.

I know exactly how you would react reading this letter. You would blush only from reading my first sentence, paused for a while, calculating if you’re in the mood for a surge of emotion. Then you would continue with the next paragraph, giving your fiancee a try.

You see, that’s what I love about you. And I cannot wait until the day when you could finally hear me say, “I do. I do want to spend the rest of my life with you.” I hope you do, too.

 

Pikiran yang Terlintas

Pikiran saya bercabang-cabang malam ini, masih 'pagi' memang. Tapi kepala saya diliputi oleh doa-doa. Saya berdoa untuk seorang pria yang akan menjadi bagian dari hidup saya.

Pria yang akan mencintai saya lebih dari apapun didunia ini. Pria yang hidup bukan untuk dirinya sendiri, tapi juga untuk saya. Dia harus tau untuk apa dan siapa dia berjuang, maka semuanya tidak sia-sia.

Seorang pria yang mempunyai hati yang tulus, bukan hanya otak yang pintar. Seseorang pria yang bukan hanya menuntut saya, tetapi juga yang bisa mengingatkan saya ketika saya salah. Seorang pria yang bisa menjadi teman terbaik saya. Pria yang bisa membuat saya merasa wanita sesungguhnya ketika saya disampingnya.

Pada akhir dari doa saya, saya tidak meminta seseorang yang sempurna, tetapi saya meminta pria yang tidak sempurna. Pria yang masih membutuhkan semangat, dukungan, cinta dan doa dari saya untuk hidupnya.

Pilihan, Kesalahan dan Penyesalan

Hai kamu, 
saya menuliskan semua ini kali ini untuk kamu. Saya tidak tahu harus berkata apa lagi. Mungkin sudah terlalu banyak ego di kepala saya, terlalu banyak kata 'keseimbangan' dalam kepala saya. Mungkin sedang merasa sensitif.. tetapi yang jelas saya merasa sendiri hari ini. Bertubi tubi tekanan datang menggumpal seperti semacam bola yang menggencet saya perlahan-lahan. Kalau boleh berteriak saya mau berteriak. Tapi mengeluarkan suara saja tidak mampu, hanya terdengar suara yang berderak tidak terdengar siapapun.

 Hai kamu, 
Saya hanya memberikan segala macam obat tersebut, karena saya tahu kamu tidak cukup ahli dalam menjaga kesehatan diri sendiri. Tapi yang saya dapat tidak semestinya, sedikit kecewa karena saya kira saya sudah memberikan kejutan. Lagi-lagi saya kebesaran rasa.

Kita yang selalu memandang awan jauh di depan sana selalu gelap. Cemas kalau-kalau kita tak cukup kencang berlari menghindari hujan. Dan kita selalu basah kuyup, menyelamatkan sisa-sisa baju kering untuk baju ganti nanti. Sebenarnya saya yang bodoh atau memang kita semua bodoh?

Kenapa keinginan kamu hanya sebesar ketakutan kamu akan kehilangan? Saya rasa kamu cukup pintar untuk hal ini, dan saya terlalu bodoh. Tentang foto, tentang sesuatu yang selalu kamu sembunyikan. Saya iri. Saya iri dengan ap yang sudah kamu lakukan dengan dia dulu. Dan saya cukup sadar, mungkin saya masih 'sakit'. Saya belum sembuh dan itu yang saya takutkan.

Saya banyak berharap tentang masa depan. Sedangkan apa yang kamu lakukan hanya berlangsung sementara. 

Keingatanmu akan solat.
Kehangatanmu akan kata-kata.
Kemanisanmu akan usaha yang dilakukan.

Saya sudah berusaha semaksimal mungkin untuk merubah semuanya. Meninggalkan semua yang saya seharusnya tidak lakukan. Membuat lottere setiap bulannya, bersabar, mencoba mengerti, perhatian, kehangatan, selalu dan selalu mementingkan kamu tidak peduli saya sesibuk apa dan selelah apa, dll. 

Dan kata yang saya ingat, "Kamu tidak melakukan semua itu lagi, karena kamu sudah merasa memiliki saya? Iya? Jujur." Dan kamu pun menjawab, "IYA."

Saya pun memantaskan semua itu. Ketika saya marah, ketika saya berniat untuk meninggalkan semuanya, kamu baru ingin memulai untuk mengubah yang saya tidak suka dan yang saya mau kamu jalankam. Tetapi, ketika saya mulai lagi terjerat, kamu mulai menyepelekan saya. Terlalu bergembira saya tidak akan meninggalkan kamu.

Apa yang kamu tulis dulu, apa yang sudah kamu janjikan pun banyak yang tidak bisa diwujudkan. Dan itu sangat teramat sangat mengganggu pikiran saya. Bagaimana saya harus menghabiskan seluruh hidup saya bersama orang yang niatnya hanya sebatas sementara? Selalu memendam, dan selalu membiarkan saya sendirian untuk menangkap tanda yang ada, merasakan kecemasan hati yang berlebih lalu mendengar kabar buruk diakhirnya.

SAYA ADA DIMANA DI HATI DAN PIKIRAN KAMU?

Saya iri. Kamu selalu bisa dan bisa dengan wanita tu tapi tidak dengan saya. Mengetahui itu pun sudah membuat saya sakit hati, apalagi menyadari kebenarannya. 

Kamu kembali ke saya hanya karena saya satu-satunya orang yang paling pas? Pas menurut keluargamu dan ego mu?

Saya masih tidak bisa tenang dengan semuanya. MAAF. Mungkin kali ini saya harus memutuskan lagi. Saya sadari kesalahan yang saya perbuat, dan saya menyesal karena saya merasa kehilangan sesuatu yang seharusnya tidak akan hilang jika saya tidak mengambil hal ini dulunya. Semoga kamu berbahagia dengan kenyamananmu, kegembiraanmu, kecuekanmu, dan keegoisan-kesementaraan mu itu. Ariverderci.


I give up. I'm out.

IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU AND ME, US.

I don't know if you know this, so I'm just making sure you do know. You have the ability to make me melt.  I want to tell you about my dreams with you.

I hope we get married.

 I hope we live in a little house and I have a garden and you point out how half of my plants and flowers are dying. 

I hope we have a little kitchen and I try to cook for you, and if my food is only half decent, so you'll tell me that I’m “not a bad cook.”

I hope we have a nice fluffy bed that we lie on for hours when the sun streams in on Sunday mornings, 

and I hope we have pretty little children that outgrow us as we age. 

I hope we fight over the bills and money, but then come back all the way around with the softest kisses.

I hope you criticize any boy that looks at our daughter, 

I hope you take our son to soccer practice or whatever it is he does, when I’m sick. 

And when you’re sick, I hope you listen to me and stay put, I hope you let me take care of you instead of just saying you’re fine, but we’ll see how that works out. 

I hope we grow old and sit on the front porch, watching the world go by. 

I hope we come damn close to giving up, but never do. 

I hope we’re together until the grave. I hope you attend my funeral, because I sure as hell couldn’t stand through yours. 

I hope our grandchildren look up to us, I hope we’re what our children want in a relationship.

Those dreams are just pretty simple fix things, right?!

We could do the simplest things, 

That’s why I loved being with you. because you were the first guy who wasn’t constantly trying to impress me. You accepted you who you are, but more than that, you accepted me for me. And nothing else mattered - not my family or your family or anyone else in the world. It is just us. 

So we know, those dreams, if will become a reality later on,  it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. 

You and me… everyday.

Untitled #1

A shadow of you is enough. It lets me know that you are not so far away. That with a few long steps and some sprays of light I will see you. And when the shade gives way to the sun I will see your unknown wholeness glaring over me - the footprints you leave behind, the shrug of your shoulders as they ignore the sun and the way you turn around to finally see me and notice me and love me. And at that moment, I will clutch you till the end of time.

For now your shadow is enough. I will rush to your unknown and probe the mystery of your dimensions. You are there, and the distance is growing smaller.

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The Ending of US

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more.

It's not okay that you hurt me, but I am okay. I deserve more, and I know that now. And maybe you knew that inside, that you couldn't give me that yet. So you set me free. We would've been so great, you would never have wished for more than I would've given you. But you never gave it a chance. So now you'll never know what could've been.

I'm starting to learn. You can't make someone love you. You can't make someone be faithful to you. You can't control your own fate sometimes. Things happen.. good, bad, indifferent. You just have to let some things go and hope they turn out for the best. It's like falling off a horse. You're in the air and you know it's going to hurt like hell when you hit the ground. But there isn't enough time to stop it.

Maybe someday, maybe you'll regret it, maybe someday you'll think it was the best decision you ever made, but maybe someday you'll see me walking, smiling and happy, alongside someone who's also smiling and happy because he has my heart. Maybe then you'll stop and realize what you're missing, because someday, someone is going to thank you for letting me go...

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Thank God I Have You

I've always grown up with the belief that life won't matter unless you have someone to share it with.  I'm so glad I've finally found that person.  I can tell you everything and you are always there for me.  We both do our best to make each other happy which isn't a hard task.  I'm so in love with you and I couldn't picture sharing my life with anyone else but you.  

Don't Stop Chasing

Hey Guys! How's life? Today is the next 4 days from my birthday. Hahah

Thank you for the people who have made my day! Especially my lover, family, and bestfriends! You are all rock! Hahahah :)

Many gifts, many prayers comes out. Thank you so much for those sweet and blessed words. And also the great gifts. Heheh

So this time, I just want to share my feeling about how I wonder me and my boyfriend could run together this long. It isn't like the previous stories in my life though. We are now has already been together for almost 3 years and a half. Quite long. But nothing I could feel than just feel in love all over again in each day. Yes, I love him. Though sometimes, I also still worry about how it could be and still wondering why people out there seem to be easy to cheat on their couple and be dishonest with their relationship. Then I end up with these words.

I think that one of the biggest reason why relationships do not work out in the long run is because at one point, one side (or both) stops trying. Before one claims another person as their significant other, they would do anything to make that person happy. They would chase, they would flirt, they would be charming. They would send daily morning and goodnight texts every time you wake up or go to sleep. They would write corny messages and pick up lines just to make sure that there is a smile upon your face.

But...

Once they claim you as theirs, all of those things eventually stop. The 5 page texts slowly turn into 1. The constant calls turn into not calling at all. And the lovely endearments turn into daily arguments. Actually me and my boyfie ever been in this kinda situation, but we could pass it smoothly.

So, in order for a relationship to work, don't ever stop chasing. Just because the person you want is now consider “yours”, it does not mean they deserve anything less than the time when you’re trying to win them over. Appreciate them as your great couple, treat her/him as same as the first time you want her/him so badly to be yours. You know, it needs two to tango! ♥

a good one deserves a good also.

Cheers! :)

A NIGHT TO REMEMBER

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Thank you for the surprise.
Thank you for staying and loving.
Fourty one months already.

Happy 41st monsiversary beloved nta..

Love you as always. :-*

Truly yours,

Darmayanti Budi Cahyani  

Dear My Dearest..

I've been through so much with you, more than any other guy and I still want you as much as I did the first time I laid eyes on you. Every time I see you, it's like meeting you for the first time all over again. It's the butterflies in the stomach, the not knowing what to say, but out of all the things you've taught me, there's still one thing I don't know. I don't know how to fall out of love with you.

I don't know how to let go and as I stand there looking at you, I wonder if there will ever be a day when I get over your smile, when will I let go of the hugs you gave me that I continue to feel. A day when I forget the words you said to me, forget what you meant to me or forget how much I love you. But, no matter what you did to me or whatever happens to us, I know I could get over, let go, or forget you.

When you care about something as much as I do you, being apart is the hardest thing to get used to. I thought I'd handle it just fine and that I'd be happy just to keep you on my mind. But it isn't always that easy. Sometimes, one thing that would please me the most is simply seeing you. I knew that I'd miss you, I just didn't know I'd miss you as much as I do.

I want to share my tears with you.

I want to share my love with you.

I want to share my happiness with you.

I want to share my strength with you, my smiles, my frowns, my joy, my loss, my good days, my bad days, the rain, and the sunshine.

The simple is I want to share my life with you.

People can just be best friends but at one point or another, one of them will fall for the other, maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe... just maybe, forever. ♥ ♥ ♥

YOU. I like the way you make me feel even when you're nowhere near. I love you and I will always do.

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GROW OLD WITH YOU

I wanna make you smile whenever you’re sad

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad

Oh all I wanna do is grow old with you

I’ll get your medicine when your tummy aches

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks

Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I’ll miss you

Kiss you

Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you

Feed you

Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink

Put you to bed when you’ve had too much to drink

I could be the woman who grows old with you

All I wanna do is grow old with you

:")

Silent Tears

"If I could have you back tomorrow. If I could lose the pain and sorrow I would do just anything to make you see. You still love me

I cry silently. I cry inside of me. I cry hopelessly

Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

I cry

Cause you're not here with me

I cry

Cause I'm lonely as can be

I cry hopelessly

Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again..."

"You were my sun. You were my earth.  But you didn't know all the ways I loved you..."

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